2
Jan

Genuine Christmas Spirit

January 2, 2013

Like most of us, I really love the weeks leading up to Christmas.  The lights, the visiting, the anticipation – they bring out such a warmth in my spirit and in the demeanour of so many around me.  Truly, what’s not to love?

Unlike many, I try to avoid the Boxing Week sales.  The return lines in the mall, the 70% off everything signs, the bedraggled decorations – they put a damper on my glow, you know?

Today though, I decided to take James out to exchange a couple items.  And as expected, folks were a bit more down in the mouth.  And things didn’t have the sparkle that I’d noticed just a few short days before.  Until, that is, we headed over to a new prosthetics office that we haven’t been to before.

I needed to pick up some spray that helps Samuel’s prosthetic liners suction a bit better.  We go through a ton of that stuff. I ran in expecting a quick errand and stopped dead in my tracks.  Amongst the clients and professionals, there was laughter and smiling; friendly banter and joking.  I paused for a second while they waited for me to announce my reason for stopping in.  Such a contrast and in such an unlikely place, or so one would think.

But that it the secret that we have discovered over the past five years.  The key to happiness and joy has nothing to do with the packages and shiny lights and brand names and deep discounts.  It has to do with perspective.

And today I realized, not for the first time, that I am one of the privileged few who have been let in on the secret to joy and maybe even the true essence of Christmas Spirit.

It was a wonderful reminder for a brand new year.

Welcome 2013!

Santa 2012

(Don’t mind the late Santa photo – it needed a home here.)

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19
Sep

Something left to give

September 19, 2012

 

I stayed away for oh so long from my blog.  Recharging?  Regrouping?  Hiding?  Not sure exactly.

There was a time after we adopted Grace that we were online A LOT.  Keeping connections alive.  Those invisible life lines were so necessary.  And it was draining on me.

Those days were followed by the whirlwind adoption of Samuel.  More online obsessing.

And suddenly my life felt dry and tired.  So much of the joy of interacting with friends online, jotting down family anecdotes and my heart that desired so much to do more for the orphan and widow, was just sucked dry.

I was dry.

I needed a fresh new start.  And so did the blog.

As for me, I bought myself a new Bible.  Rejigged our whole homeschool.  Dejunked my home base. And decided to freshen up the blog.  Make it more functional.

It’s not all there yet.  The Bible, the homeschool, the minimizing of the house – they each deserve their own post.  The blog is still under construction (my fault not my wonderful designer’s, who I’ll introduce very soon), but I felt the need to get on here tonight and get the ball rolling.  I’ve got something left to give.  And here I go!

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23
Jun

Followed by My 2 Cents

June 23, 2011

I decided to post Stephen’s post from No Greater Joy Dad right here, along with a response I made to someone who questioned how I have responded to Stephen’s “Reluctant Husband” status.

I will follow his post with my comments in purple and then finish off with more from Stephen in response to my words.

Just a little bit of what has gone on behind the scenes in the growing of our family.

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I’m a recovering, yet stubborn reluctant husband and father. I’ve told my wife that we have had enough kids from before we even had kids to today – five kids later. Two bio and 3 Chinese adoptions later, I’m still a reluctant father! For all those men out there that don’t think they can do it, I’m a great example of getting it done, and still maintaining my fantastic reluctant husband status.

 

Adopting three “special needs” kids in 3.5 years is not what everyone should do, but it HAS changed my life, my heart, and my perspective about God’s provision and strength in significant and fundamental ways.

I used to be the busy-at-church husband: doing, doing, doing until everyone thought I was a super-Christian with a few vices! Little did I know that playing the part of a christian man, and living the part (REALLY living the part) of a Christian Man look very different. If men had feelings, the two roles would have FELT different too!

These days, I don’t sit on the deck dreaming of what I’ll do with my life, my pastor doesn’t see much of me, I’m not on this board, or that committee. In fact, I’m extremely surprised if I arrive to church before the greeters have left to enjoy the service! My “Christian walk” is more of a hunched over waddle with a few dives to the ground for cover and a split-second recharge on bended knee before the next event.

But I’ll tell you what… I wouldn’t change a thing. I wouldn’t change the fact that I’m in another country to receive medical treatment for newest Child 5 and that he walked upright for the first time today! I wouldn’t change the fact that Child 2 told me this afternoon, that seeing people without all their bits was uncomfortable until Child 5 came along without his legs and now she thinks / feels that this is normal! They both get it: just do what you can with what God gave you and move on – no stigma, no regrets, just a life worth living… an adventure worth enjoying!

If I had to change anything at all, it would be that I didn’t enjoy more of the drama along the way. I’d change my attitude about trying to do everything perfectly, instead of appropriately for each of my kids. I’d change how clean the car was for the first 10 years of parenting. I’d change the look I give my wife every time she mentions another child. I’d change the power that fear has in my life and how I still allow myself to be a slave to it called on to act dangerously

– to make messes and take chances!

Yet, I’m still a reluctant husband! I still hold on to my fear (terror really) of being a poor father, or failing to provide for my family, or failing to be there emotionally or physically when child 1 through 5 may need me. I still worry and worry some more about some things in my life that I can’t change and should give over to God.

I still argue with my wife about Child 6 through ???? whenever it’s brought up. I still worry about being the best parent / husband in the world, and know that I can’t be because of all the mistakes I’ve made along the way…

…Then I have a moment where someone asks for my testimony and I think – what is REALLY going on in my life? I take a moment to pause the game of life and realize that I’ve never been more challenged, yet rewarded. I’ve never been so busy, yet effective. I’ve never had so many hugs when I return from a business trip, or just doing errands in town.

I am beginning to realize that life is not about being the best father in the world, it’s about shutting up and doing what God asks of you and knowing that He made you to be enough to fulfill his plans for your life. I’m not perfect,but I’m not MEANT to be, or even created to be. I’m the person God needed; to Do what God needed; When God needed; and How God needed. I am the best father I can be; and I’m the best father for each of my kids (1 through ???) and husband to my wife (just 1).

I hope that I’ve made at least one man out there 2 cents richer for their trouble. Enjoy the adventure!

 

I’m glad you asked for my input!

We have been very much of like mind in most major areas of our life (not to say  that we don’t disagree sometimes) and so when we found that we didn’t agree at all about whether or not we should add a child (by birth or adoption), I really was quite dumbfounded! I remember thinking that it couldn’t possibly be real! Perhaps he was making a bad joke? Seriously. I was that shocked.

Really I hadn’t come to the conclusion to adopt (or add our 2nd bio child) on my own. It felt like a strong push from the Holy Spirit to get moving. When Stephen let me know that he would not even consider my request, I prayed. And I tried to be quiet about it. If there was an opportunity to bring up the new family member I took it, but I tried hard not to rub it in or act “holier than thou” either. Really tough when on the other hand God seemed to be increasing my desire, not decreasing it!

Finally in each case, there was a moment or a day when I knew without a doubt that I needed to lay it down before Stephen and tell him that it truly was something of God and that I needed Him to treat it as such. I needed Stephen to go before God on His own and ask God what he thought. I let him know that I would wait to hear from him and that I wouldn’t say anything else about it.

I hope that helps to clarify it a bit.

 

I agree with what she has said and agree that in 99% of our marriage we have agreed on the bigger picture for our family. Sure, we disagree on which way to put the toilet paper up in the bathroom and other equally serious issues, but the size of our family was a big issue that took a long time to resolve (for each kid!). It finally came down to her letting me know that she respected me as her spouse and would provide me with the freedom to decide on my own without interference or “nagging.” I am very good at resisting nagging, but when my best friend, life partner, and the person I love more than anything on this earth gives me the freedom to love her in my own way, when I’m ready – I know it is serious and I need to pay attention.

In this environment, I didn’t have to ignore her voice, I only had my own conscience and my sensitivity to God’s calling to listen to. These are voices that I keep hearing when I’m at work, commuting, sleeping, or trying to relax with the kids. It is this voice that I can’t ignore when I’ve worked through all the excuses and make the “fatal mistake” ;o) of actually listening to God. Then the questions really come on strong – no longer am I asking WHY?, I start to ask WHY NOT?. When I ask WHY NOT? The answers appear pathetic and weak. The truth of the situation becomes more clear, and I can’t ignore that I have a decision to make. A decision that every man has to make at some point… Do I want to be perfect at doing very little, or am I ready to take on more and allow God to show me what is good enough – what perfection in His eye really looks like.

I don’t believe that adopting children into their home is the right decision for every family, but I do believe that God wants the first and best of our fruits, our gifts. He doesn’t want the left overs. This manifests itself in tithing on the gross income we bring in, not what’s left over. This means that worshiping Him comes before the football game, the camping trip, the parties in Vegas, etc. (Fill in your private time passions here…) It means that the 10 scrapbooks we did for our first child turns into a digital picture frame on the kitchen counter of all our kids and our adventures.

As a man, I would be challenged most from my wife if she left it in my hands after asking two key questions:

1. WHY NOT Adoption?

2. If not Adoption, how are we going to practically express our Faith in this world? (Missions, food for homeless, support of people adopting, etc)

I wish you all the best in your adventure and would love to hear how it turns out in the years to come.

 

 

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21
Jun

Stephen Opens Up

June 21, 2011

Well it looks like it’s three posts about Stephen in 1 week.  Definitely a new record for me.

Anthony over at No Greater Joy Dad, husband to the lovely and talented writer, Adeye of No Greater Joy Mom fame, has posted a testimony from my own dear “Reluctant Husband”.

When Anthony began publishing his “Daddy Blogger” blog, I followed and then sent his link to Stephen.  He’s been hooked ever since.  If you read Stephen’s post, it’s worth it to scroll back and read through the other earlier posts (there aren’t too many yet, as it’s a fairly new blog).  He’s been doing a whole Q & A series on reluctant dads.  Very interesting stuff, especially for this wife.

Click here to read his post.

Oh and comments would be good.  He was more than a little nervous to be sharing his thoughts.  🙂

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16
Jun

Oh Be Careful Little Eyes What You See

June 16, 2011

As every parent knows, they watch us.

The kids, that is.

Now, before I go further, this story isn’t about us as adults, but rather what we saw in one of our boys today.

We were driving away for the hospital this afternoon and on our way to the park.  We pulled up to a light and Steve and I noticed a man asking for change.  Without saying anything, Steve powered down the window and handed the man something.  The man thanked him and we pulled away.  We thought the kids were tiredly playing to themselves in the back.   About 15 seconds passes before we hear Garnet’s little boy voice, “That was nice of Dad to give that man some money.” And then it all went back to the quiet play in the back.

He got it.  He had seen the man.  And he saw his own Daddy’s response.

And I got a lump in my throat.

Just a little moment I’ve had the presence of mind to record, but hopefully one of many in the growing of our young man.

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More on Samuel’s road to mobility coming soon. Some new developments and an extra day here tomorrow.  Thank you for praying!

 

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15
Jun

Today I Cried and then…

June 15, 2011

Don’t laugh.  It’s true.  I cried a tear or two.

A negative person who spoke those bleak words that branded my son.

I cried.

Carrying the thought of someone I love in pain and knowing they were to meet with their specialist today.

I cried.

Seeing folks openly smile at my littlest guy and be so inclusive of him at the Science centre today.

I cried.

And yes…

Seeing the Canucks lose.

I cried.

It was a brutal ride on the emotional roller coaster of life today.

But then it turned a corner.

My son will receive his first “boots” tomorrow.

And I smiled!

My kids are all tucked safely into their hotel beds.

And I smiled!

My husband squeezed my hand in empathy.

I smiled!

My loved one had good news from the specialist.

I smiled!

I recalled other hockey seasons.  There’s always next year!

I smiled!

And then I remembered that God’s grace is enough.

I beamed!

Sound trite?  Naw.  It’s just another day on the roller coaster of my llife.

 

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8
Jun

Hear Our Prayer, O Lord

June 8, 2011

Tonight one of my children prayed a prayer no child should have to pray.  Ever.

Dear Jesus,

Please be with my first Mom.

Please let her not be dead.

Please help her to know You.

And please be with all my Chinese people.

Help them to know You too.

In Jesus Name,

Amen.

Amen, my child.  Amen.

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7
Jun

A moment I don’t ever want to forget

June 7, 2011

 

{Psalm 31:22}

I had said in my alarm,

“I am cut off from Your sight.”

But You heard the voice of my pleas for mercy,

when I cried to You for help.

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1
Jun

Shriners Update with a couple photos of today’s antics

June 1, 2011

To say we were amazed at the facilites and staff of Portland Shriners Hospital is an understatement.  Everything was newly redone and the sheer number of staff that we saw during our hours there was just such a sharp contrast to any of our prior experiences with our children’s medical care.  We were greeted by smiling receptionists, admission by informative admissions personnel and ushered into our examining room by a volunteer who grinned and giggled over Samuel’s antics and then served us tea and cookies, with a can of juice for Samuel.  I mean, she even ran to the other area to find him a straw!  Yeah, we were amazed. 

Once we met with his surgeon and related staff, we really felt a sense of peace.  Suddenly we had a description for Samuel’s legs, beside the term “malformed” that was on his referral papers.  His left leg is described as PFFD (click on the link to read good old Wikipedia’s take on the term).  His right leg has a shortened femur and it is called an above the knee congenital amputation.  A bit of a misnomer in that it was never actually amputated, in utero or otherwise, but apparently this is the common term for a “missing” limb.  Having these terms means I have now been able to do a more thorough info search and I am so pleased with the information I’ve now been able to find. 

The surgeon and staff walked us through the options for surgically altering his left leg (yes, a Symes amputation  (click to read the definition) is being talked about at this point).  He will be receiving rods to reinforce a newly shaped knee and will, even further down the road, need a rebuilding of his left hip as well. 

We were sitting there nodding our heads and still feeling a bit shell shocked, but it was different this time.  This time there was a sense of peace and we could see the overall plan that was being put into place.  A sharp contrast from our previous feelings.  I count that as a huge blessing!

We still have some decisions to make regarding the what, when and how of his surgeries (they are projecting an early Fall surgery date), but feel comfortable in the knowledge that we have phone numbers and a coordinator to liaison with as questions arise. 

And then for the surprise! 

We were then told that we would be meeting with the rehab coordinator and the prosthetics team.  Within an hour Samuel had an appointment for his first wheelchair and had already been casted for his first set of “stubby” prosthetics!  It’s no wonder that it has felt like a lottery winner’s dream!  We travel back to Portland very soon again.  We will be there for the week of June 12th in order for his fittings and final delivery of his new “boots” as Steve calls them.  🙂  We’ll be choosing his new chair too.

God has been abundantly good to provide all of this for Samuel.  We are so thrilled to be walking this journey with him.  It is a stretching one and not something I would have ever imagined that I would be not only walking, but honoured to be a part of. 

Just one more thing. 

Shriners has asked us to apply for treatment for Garnet’s cleft too.  We were surprised to learn that they can have empty spots available all because people are unaware that they are a specialty hospital offering treatments, surgeries and aftercare free of charge to applicants.  It is not based on the financial standing of the family and their facilities are used as teaching and research hospitals and are staffed with highly trained and well recommended physicians and surgeons.  Wow! 

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 And just in case you think I have my head stuck only in the medical realm, here is a bit of life from today.

This first photo just makes me smile.  Garnet is our fourth is age order and man do I appreciate his attention to detail.  What you can’t tell by looking at this picture is that all that Rock Band paraphernalia that you see in our front foyer?  It’s been moved from the living room.  Why?  Well, because he was vacuuming the living room and wanted to get to the edges!  Yeah.  I’m blessed.  He brings great skills to our family herd.  Nevermind the smudges and fingerprints on the mirror.  That’s my responsibility.  Umm yeah.  Moving right along…

This would be a common sight in our kitchen these days.  Samuel loves to “break dance” and do tummy spins at a ferocious speed.  He also does hand stands.  And not just quick flips up and down.  Stands (!) that last four to five seconds (counting with Mississippi’s) and sometimes longer.  He loves to use his center of gravity to his advantage.  And now that he has gained almost 4 pounds since coming home (!), he seems to be finding new ways to give his Mama a heart attack  thrill and delight us each day.

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23
May

Facing Reality with a Capital “R”

May 23, 2011

That’s me.

Facing Reality.

We received a surprise recently which has us off to Portland, Oregon tomorrow.

When we returned from our visit to Children’s Hospital last month, we were so thrilled with what God had done in putting all the pieces together for Samuel.  I mean, we were over the moon, couldn’t stop talking about it, absolutely in awe.  I mean, we still are.  And then, to top it off, I received a letter in the mail. 

Months and months ago (like, in the early days of our paper chase for Samuel’s adoption), a fellow Mom of a New Day alumni contacted me.  Her daughter had undergone surgery and been fitted with a prosthetic through Shriner’s hospital and she had great news for us.  Low and behold, she had arranged for her daughter’s Shriner’s prosthetist (Brock) to see Samuel in Beijing when Brock was there on a medical service trip.  New Day had arranged for Samuel to be brought to Brock and as a result of this fellow New Day Mom connecting us, I was able to speak with Brock over the phone and even receive the X-rays that he had taken of Samuel when he examined him in China.  What a treat! 

Well, that got us thinking.  We decided to pursue an application for Samuel to be treated by Shriner’s once home.  Forms were filled out.  I developed a phone relationship with the provincial rep.  And then we waited.  I heard rumors that cut backs had made it harder to receive acceptance into treatment for Canadians and I was hopeful, but I kind of let it go. 

So, here we were less than a week home from our mountaintop high and I received the letter we had been hoping for.  Samuel was accepted into treatment.  I keep equating it to winning a lottery, but essentially it will allow for his treatment and prosthetics to be covered for his entire childhood.  In addition, we can even ride their “Care Cruiser” bus to appointments (many hours each way) and receive accommodations and food vouchers for our time away.  I literally bawled when I heard.  Like many families in the adoption world, our kids (& in our case, both adopted and bio) have needed a wide variety of therapies and tutors and extras to help them grow and learn and heal and blossom.  And each of those come with a price tag.  For once it felt so good to be told again and again in response to my tentative questioning, “No, don’t worry about anything, it’s covered.”

So off we go.  And I should be singing and dancing with glee.

Instead I have a lump in my throat and Reality has hit the past few days.  I would be lying if I said otherwise. 

We need to once again have the conversation.  And the “A” word will be used. 

Amputation.

And yes, to all of you thinking it, I did know it was coming.

I did do my research before we committed to bringing him home to be our forever son.

And we do want the best for him.  We want to give him every chance at a full, healthy, active life. 

Yes, we do.

But it still stings.

We see him as perfect and active and healthy and as living a pretty full life right now.

And every time someone else asks us what the next step is we tell them.

We talk surgeries and aids and prosthetics.

We smile and nod and talk about his bright future.

But underneath there is a part of me that wants to run to him and pick him up and race away as fast as I can. 

Can’t you hear him giggle and can’t you hear him tease?  Don’t you see him climb and and dance and chase his sisters until they run giggling too? 

But I guess that is the difference of perspective.  And of parenting.

Parents have to love a child as they are and yet do the thing that is hardest for their child in order to help them sprout wings and not just crawl, but fly.

I have to fight down that urge to pick up my kids and run away at different times with each of them.  And this week it’s Samuel. 

So I pack the suitcases.  Call my sister-in-law to borrow the play pen.  Make sure the many bits and pieces we need to load into the van are ready.  And I pray.

Will you pray for us too? 

(Photos taken Mother’s Day 2011.)

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