10
Apr

First Class

Finally. 

She’s been waiting and waiting (or “loading and loading”, as she calls waiting – Can you tell she gets to use a very s-l-o-w computer at times?) for what probably felt like forever to her seven year old mind.  And finally, today was the day of Grace’s first ballet class.  

Ready to head off to class.  A little nervous, but she still asked for her photo to be taken.

 (Thanks to her Volunteer in China, she is a great model.  She placed the flowers next to the window and sat down ready for me to take the picture.)

 

 

She was excited, but nervous.  She watched the teacher closely and mimicked her well.  First position, second position, all the way to sixth.  Her favourite were the arm positions though.

She looked up shyly and met my eyes a few times during class.  She’d look away and then she’d glance back and give me a big smile.  As parents we just love to see our kids thoroughly enjoying themselves.  What a treat to be able to give Grace something as simple as this and know that her heart was filled with just a little bit of delight. 

I’d say the day was a success!  She told me that it was a lot of fun and a little bit hard.  We’ll have to see what class number 2 brings. 

9
Apr

Revelation

Tonight James is sleeping over at a friends’ house.  Faith is having a friend from the neighbourhood come spend the night.  So, as is our custom, that means the kids without a play date arranged get to have a sibling sleepover. 

We  Stephen had just blown up the airbed and I was asking Grace which movie she had chosen to watch.  She had the Easter Storykeeper’s video out.  She flipped it over and told me all about the “kwhy” (bad) guys and really, the whole story of Easter, ending as usual with, “Jesus is alive!” 

Such precious words to hear from my little girl.  But, I carried it on and asked her a question that I figured I probably knew the answer to. 

“Did anyone tell you about Jesus in China?”

“No”, she said, “but I *love* Jesus!”, hugging the video tightly to her chest. 

*sniff* <happy tears swallowed>

Yes, such sweet words from our little girl.  It is only the beginnings of God’s revelation to her, but as with all of our kids, it is my favourite part of their growing that we get to walk alongside of.

29
Mar

Fashion Party

The girls heading off to C's Birthday Party

C’s Mom is very creative.  Last week she hosted a tea party (equipped with a chocolate fountain – yum!) for her younger dd M.  This week the theme is a fashion party.  Our friendship with this family began when Faith was in the preschool class at sunday school and has grown to encompass Grace and Garnet & their respective age mates in the family.  Such an amazing blessing after we moved here that has only grown.

28
Mar

Hope Reborn Pt. 2 – Hope in the Midst of Confusion

Please read Hope Reborn Pt. 1 first – this is so long, that I split it up a bit.  🙂

God laid her heavily on my heart one morning. I was literally physically sick with the grief that MP did not have a family and sick too, that Grace and MP did not have each other.

Stephen and I talked it over and decided to petition our agency to allow us to adopt 2 within 1 year – a rule breaker for sure in this province and one that would require a special waiver from our ministry here. And then we waited to hear back from our agency, as the administrator was away at the time.

A few days later, as is my morning ritual, I did my prerequisite blog drifting and landed on the RQ site (those familiar with China IA will know what I mean). And first thing I noticed was a fellow mother from Grace’s CWI who had posted MP’s info and a photo on her blog. My heart dropped about a million miles. By the time I had even looked at the forum, hundreds of people had viewed her post. One family in particular was asking their agency to view MP’s file. I sat at my computer and prayed. My prayers were two fold. One: Thank You so much for providing a way for MP. Two: Why did you bother stirring me up about this? Why God?

Over the course of the next couple of days, we had numerous difficult things occur.The thoughtful, tenderhearted advocate Mom felt terrible about the controversy. For that I am so sad. I am so thankful that God moved in her spirit to step out for MP and others. She has blessed everyone in the process and I am so pleased to be called a believer with people like her to stand alongside of – truly!

Our facilitaing agency offered to go to bat for us with China, something that we are so thankful for.  Their zeal in finding families for the children in China’s WC program has been truly inspiring.  We got excited and then walked away from their offer, concerned that we were jumping ahead of our local agency.

The family who had asked to view her file offered to back away from the pursuit of MP’s adoption for us. We declined their offer and told them to proceed. We had not heard back from our agency and we desired first of all that MP would be united wth a family. After 2 days of attempting to gain more insight into her medical condition and having the hopeful family e-mail us for personal information (which I felt very resistant to giving out until an official match had been made and now I see why), they attempted to lock her file and found that her file had already been locked!

And that leads us to MP’s new family!

Once I received word from both the advocating Mom and the first hopeful family that her file was already locked, I went back to the original forum where MP’s  info had been posted and suddenly I felt I knew who they were. After following her link to the family’s blog, making contact with her and reeling from the reality that our pursuit of MP was officially over, I randomly went to their blog archives and picked a date. And then I threw down the gauntlet to God.

“Why God? Why did you put me in the middle of all this? Grace is grieving her friend. I don’t know why I care as much as I do. Why did I feel such a hesitation with the first family? Medically they could have offered her so much. What are you doing?  Show me that this is a family who will love her, who will understand her, who will connect the girls so they can continue their relationship.”

And then He answered me in a very personal way. Out of all the posts, many many months ago, MP’s new Mama had posted a reference to a children’s book. Something so personal and meaningful to me.  Something obscure.  Something that only I know.  MY FAVOURITE CHILDREN’S BOOK. And yes, I am screaming. 🙂   

 (And in case you are wondering, the name of the book is Verdi, which is not exactly Green Eggs and Ham, as far as popularity goes.)

My God is just that big. There is no coincedence with Him. He gave me a guidepost. Something to hold tight to. He did not have to answer me in any way shape or form – but He did. And in the time since, I have spent much time reading their blog. They are a fun, loving, sensitive, God loving family. MP is going to not only be loved, but she’ll have brothers and sisters (one who even shares her country of birth) and a Mom and a Dad who are delighted with their new blessing and a heritage of faith. What more could one ask for?  Well, in retrospect, the icing on the cake is our proximity to them.  One long day’s drive away.  We live much, much farther from each and every one of the other girls who’ve left Grace’s orphanage and joined their forever families.  Only God.

Now, back to Grace. The one who, in *my* world, it was all about in the first place.

Grace has opened up a lot over the past few weeks. She’s seen me cry openly. She’s heard me speak even more boldy for the orphan crisis in the world. Funny how I’ve suddenly had additional opportunities to be bold.  She has seen my heart be truly broken and she seems to be able to trust me with more and more of her stories and cuddles and thoughts.  She has no idea why, but I do.  God does.  It is Hope Reborn.  God opening our hearts so He can do His own special brand of heart surgery.  Softening the clay before it (we) are molded into His image a bit more closely.  Giving us hope in the midst of confusion.  For my daughter.  For me.  And hopefully, most of all for a little girl awaiting her family in an orphanage in China.

I hope to close this post, this chapter of the story once I hit publish.  I plan on writing one more thing.  Something to MP’s new family.  I hope they can see God’s hand even more clearly.  And alongside them, I will pray MP home.

28
Mar

Hope Reborn Pt. 1 – Playing Detectve

Grace has many memories of life in China.  That makes so much sense.  She’s a bright, imaginative, intelligent little girl (and that’s not just me bragging!).  She spent almost a full seven years in her orphanage.  The kids there were her world and definitely her family. 

In a family there always seems to be those you are happy to see occasionally, those who seem easier to get into a tiff with and those who are ever enmeshed with you at a heart level.  Those are the ones that help mold you and who you can never separate from because they are such a part of your experience that it is impossible to know where you ended and they began.  This is the case with Grace’s heart sister.

By all accounts they shared a crib and then slept next to one another in their low framed, high barred toddler beds.  Once they grew to about six years of age they were moved to a new floor and building with bunk beds that was used for the older kids.

When we met Grace she had numerous photos with her.  Within moments of meeting her she wanted to show us the photos and would list off her friends and the workers and her volunteers and we began to get glimmers of the very large and people-filled world she lived in.  She was so blessed to have a volunteer (several in fact) that obviously were taken with her (more on that another day) and there were many photos of one little girl in particular(YF) with Grace.  We just assumed that they were good friends and that perhaps they were best friends.  She would talk of many girls, but we kept waiting for YF to be adopted a few weeks after we returned home – surely that would be comfort to her.  Funnily enough, the girls saw each other on Skype, chatted a bit (I enjoyed meeting her new family!), but she was still crying at night for her friend. 

A couple of months later, we received word from Grace’s volunteer X that he was registered to be married.  Grace was happy  and suddenly married people and weddings were of new interest to her.  A few days later, after much miscommunication and poor Mandarin on my part, we discover that it is YF’s volunteer, JY,  is X’s new wife.  And suddenly, it makes sense.  X and JY were the connection between Grace and YF, not the other way around.  Are you following? lol 

Soooo, with that in mind, I start back tracking to other things I know.  The orphanage staff had told us (even since coming home) that Grace’s best friend had been adopted before her and was living in the US.  I had been able to make contact with another family that adopted from her CWI at the same time and was told that “Yes”, they had met the family, but the family had seemed uninterested in a further relationship.  The girl in question was MH.  When I would ask if it was MH that she was missing, she would repeatedly smile and say, “No”.  sigh… back to the drawing board.

Meanwhile, over the past 4 months, Grace has spent literally hours pouring over her photos.  She would always list off everyone in the photos.  There were many stories about X, but never a whole lot about the other children, other than their names.  That is until a few weeks back.  Suddenly after many weeks home, in her hopeless, sad, exhausted cry, she began calling out for MP at night.  There was a name!  And I knew just who she meant. 

 MP is a little girl that I had picked out of Grace’s photos from the beginning.  I had prayed for her, even thought, “Wow, I wish we could go back for her”, but kind of let it go.  Suddenly a few weeks back, all of that changed.  God laid her heavily on my heart one morning.

17
Mar

Growing with Grace 4 months on

Growth is really the best word to describe these past four months with our Grace Qiao.  I decided to make a Top 10 list of all the growing she and we have done.

10. Pants.  Grace has grown from perfectly fitting a size 4 slim fit jean, to needing a size 5 (with the occasional flash of an ankle).  Size 6’s aren’t too far away now. 

9. Bellybuttons.  Not the actual thing, although I am sure it is growing too!  Her shirts are shrinking and we are seeing more and more navel everytime she is dancing and playing.  Again, she is now moving into a size 6 shirt regularly now.

8. Dance.  Grace has always loved to dance.  That is the one thing each and every adult from her life in China has told us emphatically.  She has a knack for quickly picking up moves and memorizing long sections of choreography.  The thing we are noticing is how she is not only dancing with bravado like she has all along, but she is also gaining more poise as time goes on.

7.  Poise.  That’s a funny word for a slight 7 year old, but she is learning more and more each day about what it means to be a young lady.  She is morphing from a little girl into a feminine princess at times – such a gift to see.

6. Princess.  A neighbour girl gave Grace Qiao an outgrown princess dress.  It has been much loved and is a bit well worn, but when my little girl took that dress in her hands she hugged it and ran to her room to change into it.  ONe thing we know about her childhood thus far is that she was very highly praised for her intelligence and her competitive nature.  While we are proud of her achievements, we are delighted to see her embracing her girlhood too.  It is a true treasure to watch her twirl and swirl in her gown.  She’s even had the blessing of being invited to a tea party this week.  Her little friend from church asked all the girls to dress in their best.  We used mini elastic bands and gave her a fancy do.  She wore her Cinderella glass slippers and her blue gown and looked every bit the princess.  I couldn’t help but get a little choked up watching her.

5. Friends.  Grace is learning to be a friend.  She has been given lots of opportunities to practice this since coming home.  But didn’t she grow up with dozens of little girls – doesn’t she already know how?  Well, yes and no.  She had sisters.  She had people to watch over her.  We don’t think she had many people to speak into her relationships though.  Her daily interactions with the other girls were not mentored ones.  Let’s leave it at that for now.  Happily, she is making friends at church and with the other girls in our neighbourhood.

4. Mentors.  Grace is learning what it means to have people who love her dearly, also speak into life with wisdom and kindness.  It has been tough for her to hear criticisms (healthy ones) and to have someone do it with kindness has been even harder.  In many ways, because she was always at the top of all she has attempted, it has been harder for her.  Her self-esteem came home *fully* intact.  The first challenge has been drawing her into relationship.  The second has been challenging he strength of the relationship by speaking truths to her.  The third phase has been all about helping her accept it and now we are into the fourth stage – growng from it. 

3.  Acceptance.  Grace came to us with a shy smile and an open face, but I wouldn’t say she was accepting of us.  She tells us now that she wasn’t afraid of us (and according to a comment she made today, apparently we didn’t smell bad!  LOL), which is good to know.  But, as we soon found out, although she had been very well informed about us, it would take some time before she would accept us as becoming one with her.  She had it very good in China (yes, she was very blessed in many ways, for which we are truly thankful) and there were many who cared deeply for her.  Unfortunately, at 7 she was unable to look ahead and see that the things that were good in her life would not be able to be there for her forever.  In the past few days, her comments regarding visiting Zhongshan have become different.  Now she tells me just where each of us would sleep if we could go there to visit the orphanage.  Now, suddenly, we are all going with her on her much planned visit to Zhongshan.  I think that says so much about where her acceptance of her family is at.  It is more than crayon drawings of her family or claiming us in a crowd.  Zhongshan is her heart home.  And we have been invited.

2. Visit.  Wow that is a bit of a jump to number two, but hopefully you’ll see the connection.  A visit to Zhongshan.  We hope and pray that we will get to return to both Yinchuan and Zhongshan with the kids in the next couple of years.  With that is mind, we haev a very real goal of continuing our Chinese language learning.  In Grace’s case, we see such a neat blance happening for her still.  She is growing in her knowledge of English.  She loves to pick up new vocabulary (her English word box is her favourite part of our homeschool day) and is flying through her Explode the Code books.  We have begun using honics Pathways to begin early reading instruction too.  It’s really wild to see how much she has picked up.  On the flip side, she has seemed to hang on to her Mandarin and Cantonese for so much longer than I expected.  She sings and chats away in Mandarin to all of us, but flips to English for most of her day now.  When she is really excited she will speak a definite mix now.  With that in mind, she (as well as James and Faith) have started a new batch of Mandarin lessons with our dear friend and Mandarin teacher, Anna.  Hopefully she can hang onto enough to be able to visit with her friends once we visit.  Hopefully this will fill her heart in a way that only truly speaking your heart can do.

1. Heart.  We are seeing it. Her heart is opening.  She came to us so very confident and yet so deeply scared.  She is quicker to forgive now.  Quicker to reach out to someone (albeit somtimes that someone is one of the family cats) when they are sad or upset.  She has continued to be a really generous “sharer” and yet now, we see it coming from the heart more often.  She is learning to pray now.  Learning who HE is.  HE made you Grace, did you know? HE is invisible now, Gracie, but did you know HE came here to earth? Did youknow HE loves you? That HE was always with you, little girl? That you are truly HIS princess? That is the growth that we long to see.

Four months on and so much growth.